| Disappointment and Feelings of Guilt |
|
Many women who have had traumatic births, or an unnatural birth, a cesarean, suffer from strong feelings of guilt. (they often accuse themselves of not having tried hard enough etc.) Furthermore, they frequently feel disappointed in themselves or in fate, wondering why it was them who were chosen to have to miss the experience of giving natural birth. These feelings often occur especially among women who really chose to give natural birth but were unable to because of complications and ended up having a cesarean.
These feelings of guilt make it even harder for the women who missed the natural birth experience to cope with memories of the special birth positively. Additionally, their partner and others around them often underestimate how deep the disappointment or guilt is felt. Comments that women often hear are: "Just forget it now. The child is in good health afterall!" The women feel as though they shouldn't even talk about their negative feelings. They feel frustrated that they can't forget it but often have truly had little opportunity to finally come to terms with the leftover feelings from the difficult birth. I would like to encourage you to once again read the chapter entitled "Main Problems" here on our homepage. Here we stress the fact that the participation of the child should not be forgotten when talking about birth. The child's role is just as important as the mother's. It is less a question of guilt but rather a matter of a shared stroke of fate binding you and your child together. I would strongly encourage you to contact your midwife if you have experienced a traumatic or difficult birth. Ask her to get together with you and help you. She can talk you through the birth again, letting you relive the memories, enabling you to feel positive about the birth this time, accepting it and them letting it go. This can work wonders to finally relieve the uneasy feelings that may still be bothering you. |